It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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