My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
