i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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