Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
