Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
