Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ttyl tear gas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
