barbara walters just said penis...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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