just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
