Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
