So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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