Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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