I want to make a zoo with you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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