I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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