You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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