so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
