I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
