you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
