Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
