she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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