hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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