so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
