It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
