In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
