Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
