Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
