Duck Duck Cougar?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
