Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I still have a little drunk in my system
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
