god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
