How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
