You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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