goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
