god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
