Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
