i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
