the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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