If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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