hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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