'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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