remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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