So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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