I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
