if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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