Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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