You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
