No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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