i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
