What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
