last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
be right there i have to get my cape
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
