I just threw up on my dentist
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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