i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
