i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
