so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
