Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
