Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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