I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
