You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
