OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
