wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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