a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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