if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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