last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
