She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
