I'm eating all of the evidence.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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