I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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