this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
