Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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