i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
