why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is Oprah even human
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
