I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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