i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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