It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
