All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
