just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
